Perfect weight loss solution for Doogie!

You know how exercise websites, equipment and so on always carry a disclaimer - "please consult your doctor before starting a fitness programme"?   Well, of course that is vitally important , especially for lardy couch potatoes such as young Dugaldy, and in this litigious age, we at OBTAF wish to cover our ample arses in case of any little slip ups such as could arise: persistent joint pain, cardiac arrest, running through dog shit 'cos he can't see his feet; that sort of thing.

Fortunately, I am a doctor, and Dugald is welcome to consult me any time!  In fact he doesn't even have to, I'm going to chip in my tuppenceworth anyway.  Doogieboo, you need to start slowly, and build up to a regular regime.  Start by leaving your seat to change channel - and think how much you'll save on batteries for the remote!  Then, after a few weeks, try this:

'Brisk walks' to prevent cancers

I saw that and thought immediately of you, Dugald!  Partly for the motivating effect that seeing how trim you might look after a year or so of hard dieting could have.  But, more importantly, in my professional opinion that activity is absolutely perfect for you.  Tailored to your abilities, opportunities and interests.  Just remember to replace lost fluids, and

Oh, hang on a minute, that's an 'L'.

Sorry, forget I mentioned it.